My recent 46th birthday has reminded me why I started this blog. On my mind today, articles from Slate/Double XX:

Emily Bracken complains about being in her 30s

and,
Laura Helmuth says we shouldn't care at all

Why do I care? I fear losing relevance.

Because this culture values beauty, and equates it with youth. I don't have financial capital of my own. I don't have a powerful job or political influence. If I don't have so-called "romantic capital," I'm not sure what I do have, and I fear becoming culturally invisible.

Do I really believe this will happen? Not most of the time. I still believe style and social skills are damn near the same as beauty. And I'm not old enough yet to give up on achieving some of those other means of power--which, I realize, have been designated by a male-dominated, money-led, Western culture. It would be better for me not to care, and to work towards bringing forward some other ways of feeling engaged and relevant. I'm not too old to do that, either.

But do I stand in front of the mirror more than I used to, cursing the changes in my face and hoping I am not fading rapidly into invisiblity, becoming a person who may as well expect to be treated with disrespect? Yes. I do.